she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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