My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
