oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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