my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
