I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
