How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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