K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
