whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
