well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize