I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
