she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize