So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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