On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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