She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
