Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
