I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
