I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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