I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am one with the molecules
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
