You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
