So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize