i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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