I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
