Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
