I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize