Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
