Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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