I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
