she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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