oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
