No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so let's talk penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
