Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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