Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
