WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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