let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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