well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
