Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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