I cockslap morals
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
