Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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