I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
