If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
