just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
