One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
