omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
