My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
