Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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