census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize