I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize