The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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