I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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