So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
