omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
