Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
