People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
