I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
