whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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