I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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