i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize