Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
