i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize