I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
