you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
