dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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