Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
