you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
