just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
