Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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