did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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