Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
