Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
