Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
