i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I faked an abortion last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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