The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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