Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
