nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
