me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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