What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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