so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
