dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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