She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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