I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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