my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
