I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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