There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
