i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
