I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
