This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
