Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize