Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
