Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
