last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
