Soap is not a condiment
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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