They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
