So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
