Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
