I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
