I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
